Paranoia: A Pewdiecry
by Forgotten Voices
Summary: A dark voice has made itself known again in Ryan's (Cry's) mind. It wants him to do horrible things; hurt people, slay them, taste their blood. Ryan does not want to hurt anyone, especially not Felix (Pewdie). Ryan has been trying to keep it under control, but how far will he be willing to go to protect others, or rather, how long? Warnings: Triggers for blood lust and depression.


"**Paranoia" A Pewdiecry**

**By Forgotten Voices **

**Chapter One: Tantalization.**

**Cry's (Ryan's) POV**

The rain was falling heavily. The droplets were as cold as ice, but in this I took comfort. The rain soaked through my usual green sweatshirt and jeans. My converse were flooded as well, but my mind was else where. The thunder boomed overhead, drawing me out of my thoughts. I looked around now; the city was desolate, except for a few cars passing by. It was my third week in Stockholm, I moved in with Felix, after Marzia cheated on him. I wanted to be there him in his time of loneliness, but now I'm alone in an alleyway, in the freezing rain. I ran off. I had to run away from Felix. It was not his fault, however. I just don't trust myself anymore. Lately, I've been having these... urges. I crave blood... I need to feel the euphoria of death... but I never, ever want to hurt Felix. But at the same time, I don't think I could help myself.

_Wouldn't his blood taste sweet, Ryan?_

"No..." I whispered. My eyes widened in surprise. That god damn voice is back. I thought... I thought it died long ago. Back when I... back when...

_I'm not dead, Ryan. I'm still here._

"No... You are not real..." I mumbled.

_That is a lie. You know this._

"Fuck you..." I spat quietly. I heard it's laugh in the back of my head, sending shivers down my spine. I fear that it is growing in power. I used to only have fluttering thoughts and dreams, but now I am afraid that I will do what it says. I don't want to hurt anyone, but my blood lust remains constant.

I felt the knife in my pocket, I felt it's icy metal calling to me. It was thirsty for blood, but I am not about to give in. I will not hurt others if there's anything I can about it

_But there is nothing _you_ can do. I AM you._

"Shut up..." I whispered harshly. I backed up until my back was flat against one of the sides of the alley. I slid down into a sitting position and raised my hands to cover my face. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes, but tried my hardest not to let them fall. To not show weakness. But it knows... It knows everything I do. Everything I feel. Everything I think. It's in my head for Christ sake.

"Ryan!" A distant voice called. I knew it was Felix, he was looking for me. I felt my heart sink a little. He actually cared enough to look for me...

_Let's go to him, Ryan._

I shook my head silently. I couldn't let him find me, as much as I wanted him to. What I wouldn't give to be in one of his warm embraces, with him telling me not to worry about anything. But I know, if he comes close to me, I may not be able to stop, and I'd rather kill myself than hurt him.

"Ryan, where are you?!" Felix called. He was closer this time. I looked up and made sure he couldn't see me. He was still further down the street. I scooted farther down the alley, going deeper into the shadows.

_Oh, wouldn't it be lovely to let the blade sink into his skin?_

"Stop..." I whispered. My heartbeat quickened at the thought.

_Wouldn't it be amazing to be drenched in his scalding blood?_

"I said stop..." I whispered hoarsely. I felt a lump forming in my throat as adrenaline coursed through my veins.

_Wouldn't it be perfect to the last person he sees as his life drains out from his-_

"SHUT UP!" I screamed, clenching my eyes shut. My hands smashed the sides of my head as I tried to cover my ears. The tears fell more frequently now. I gritted my teeth, trying hard not to scream and run off. Then I remembered the knife in my pocket.

I pulled it out and looked at the blade. I saw myself in the blade's metal, but the reflection wasn't myself. The reflection was of a man that resembled me in every way, except for his eyes and his smile. His eyes were black with red irises. The red changed shapes and moved, like fire. His pupils were black slits, like a cats is. His smile was from ear to ear, his teeth were elongated and sharpened to points. What ever this was, it was dying, right here, right now, along with me. I raised the knife to my neck and let my final tears fall.

"Ryan! There you are! Ry- what the fuck are you doing!" Felix shouted. I snapped out of it and dropped the knife. I looked at him in shock. His golden blonde hair was soaked with rain, as were his dark blue jacket, jeans, and his dark blue Vans. The street lamps light made his normal ocean blue eyes look almost a dark green, but they still twinkled. I looked as his face more closely, his cheeks were tear stained and his eyes were glassy. He was crying over me...

"Felix..." I muttered. He ran over to me and reached out his hand to help me up. I shook my head feverishly and tried to scoot away even further. I could see his face better now, he looked as if he was in pain. He took a step further, and I retaliated by scooting back farther.

"Ryan, what's wrong with you? Ryan, please..." He said in a quiet tone. I picked up the blade again and held it up to my neck.

"Felix... Please stay back..." I said quietly. I looked at him, he looked taken aback. He quickly regained his composure and knelt down a few feet away from me. The tears were falling openly from his eyes now.

"Ryan, please don't... Ryan, I need you... Come on, just drop the knife. Lets get out of this freezing rain and go home. We can talk then, okay?" Felix said sweetly.

_Do it now. It would be ever so easy..._

"Felix, I'm warning you, stay back." I said a bit louder. A look of confusion washed over his face and mixed with his pain.

"Ryan, why are you doing this? Did I do something? What ever I did, I'm truly sorry, I just don't want anything to happen to you..." Felix said quietly, his voice trembling with emotion.

"No. You don't understand. I don't want to hurt you..." I choked out. Felix's lips twitched into a smile briefly, but his look of pain and confusion remained.

"If you don't want to hurt me, don't do this to yourself yourself. Please..." Felix asked. I shook my head.

"Felix, I am afraid.. I'm afraid that I will... kill you..." I admitted. His cringed, but saw the pain in my eyes. A pained and worried smile fell on his lips. His eyes were now red and irritated, but they shone with hope and reassurance.

"You wouldn't hurt me Ryan. We both know that you wouldn't, just like I would never hurt you. We're bros, remember?" Felix said reassuringly. I dropped my arm slightly, but still kept the blade on my skin. I closed my eyes in mortification and anger.

"Please Ryan... Just give me the knife... Please don't do this, I'm begging you... I need you more than you'll ever know... Please, just give me the knife." Felix said in a pained, horsed tone. I opened my eyes and looked at him. I saw his pain, I saw the thoughts turning in his head. He didn't want to loose me... And I didn't want to loose him.

_Do it now! He is so venerable!_

No. He was right. I would never hurt him. No matter what.

I lowered my arm slowly, shaking as I did so. When it was away from my neck, I raised my arm out to him shakily and dropped the knife in his hand. He grasped the knife, and chucked it as high as he could, making it land on the roof of the building beside us. He looked at me briefly before pulling me into a tight embrace. His arms wrapped around me tightly, his head resting upon my shoulder. I did the same, not with holding anymore tears.

"Don't you dare do that ever again! Ryan, I don't know what I would do without you." Felix sobbed into my shoulder. I couldn't say anything, but held him tighter as a reply.

We soon broke apart and dried our eyes. We made eye contact and Felix chuckled anxiously.

"Come on, let's go home." Felix said, wrapping his arm around me. I nodded, and we began to walk forward.

_Another time, Ryan, another time..._

**Greetings I bid unto you. My thanks I would like to extend to you for your completion of the reading of the first chapter in this new story. I must confess, I do not know how long I will continue this story, nor do I know when I shall post the newest chapter of "As Long as We're Together." I will admit, however, that I took great pleasure in writings this and it is my hope that you enjoyed reading. If you did not; my apologies, however, you may inform me as to what you would like to read. Again, many thanks unto you for taking time out of your life and reading my work, I am forever greatful.**

**Until the next chapter,**

**~Forgotten Voices.**


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